Don't kid yourself. He bought that list off some schmuck freelancer.

"I was having martinis with John Updike, Orson Welles, and Carol Channing one night …"

Trust me, I'm not letting myself follow that train of thought very far. Even the broadest generalities are plenty (maybe even too much) for now.

Well, as the father of beautiful, four-week-old identical twin girls, this is about the last thing I wanted to learn right now. I mean, I should probably know about it, but still.

What does one gain by remastering an album that sounds like it was recorded on a Talkboy placed inside a coffee tin that was then placed inside a bass drum?

Totally. I want to believe that so bad.

Deep cut: A National Cataract

Did that actually happen?!

Snow Legally Blind

Snored of this World

I thought the same thing. Great ideas, tiresome execution.

I would have expected something by Goblin (probably Suspiria) from a metal guy. But kudos to him for going outside the box.

We've got time.

I've listened to it front to back a couple times now. It just gutted me. I fully expected it to fall short of the hype, but this album managed to meet—hell, exceed—it. Thanks, everyone, for helping me find something to listen to that won't scare the shit out of my newborn daughters.

Also, good lyrics are a major selling point for me with anything, so thanks for the tip.

I missed the boat on his mid-aughts material (I'm a punk/metal guy at heart, and that was an exciting time for those genres and I found myself listening to little else) so I'm coming to his music totally fresh. I suppose some might envy me for the potential thrill of discovery. I'll have to check it out.

I don't generally listen to this sort of thing, but I consider myself reasonably open minded; what it boils down to is that I appreciate almost anything that is actually good. That said, does this album have crossover appeal or is it only as great as people say if you're already a fan?

No. It is not.

And isn't that the most important thing?

Isn't running a business with cold efficiency and without regard for human costs a pretty good example of psychopathy?