What the hell is wrong with you?

"He's an inspiration to us all."

You'd think he needs medical help for mental health if he keeps making these irrational choices, but then you find out he attacked his lawyer.

UEFA: "It will be okay for Russian football teams and Ukrainian football teams to be pitted against one another despite the current situation."
Plane: [goes down]
UEFA: "Okay, okay. Wow. Russian and Ukrainian football teams will not be permitted to play against each other."
Plane: [gets back up; is totally fine]

When I bought my current car back in 2003 I swore up and down I'd replace it with an all electric.

I took him to a bar

Parents Night is dreadful. Last year I was singled out by a teacher in a room full of judgmental parents because my 3rd grader, for the "art show", drew a picture of a chicken giving a horse a hand-job. Seriously. I have the photo prove it if you provide me with an e-mail to send it. When I got home, I feared…

I'm kind of not sure how I should feel about this picture, to be honest. On the one hand, that looks like a giant dick. But on the other, maybe I'm just being too much of a Dortmund partisan.

This is blatant boner-shaming.

Not true. He could die, like Matt Schaub.

LeBron James Saves Cleveland Sports Illustrated

Although in true Cleveland fashion, I fully expect LeBron's plane will disappear somewhere over the Amazon Basin in a few hours.

In an office somewhere in Miami, Pat Riley's trembling hand moves his mouse forward, to the font drop-down, and selects "Comic Sans"

This is the most nonsensical signing since Nelson Mandela's funeral.

More coming soon on this, obviously.

LEBRON RUMORED TO BE SIGNING WITH TORONTO RAPTORS; LOVES POUTINE.

Added bonus: this stylish shirt will also make you invisible to women.

Germany are is...