I hope you get a better photo.

Much like South Park, Schumer fearlessly tackles taboo subjects like incest and bodily excretions, except she’s a person, not a cartoon.

I snort-laughed so loudly at this that it startled my fiance and woke my dog... but this is so fucking spot on. I then had to explain to my fiance why this comment was perfect. Not having much experience with mean girls, he wasn’t aware of their ability to describe random, completely non-noteworthy things about…

I can’t help but wonder if Ryan Reynolds regrets leaving my future ex-wife, Scarlet Johansson, for Blake Lively. She just doesn’t seem to be playing with a full deck.

This is how you know Blake Lively was a mean girl in high school. Because she thinks up shit like “meaty eyelids.”

Publicity-wise or persona-wise?

No.

Taylor majorly upgraded to a luxury model

I don’t even have a closet in my BEDROOM.

when many dwellers are presumably in Southampton

I’m sure we’re supposed to be all “wah wah poor widdle millionaires” but hot damn if I wouldn’t also be fed up with that crap. 8:30 AM is a perfectly reasonable time to start construction work. 6 GODDAMN AM IS NOT.

All boys are men and all women are girls, so sayeth the Cruz.

I’m agnostic on the draft itself, but if we are going to have it then all citizens who are fit to serve should be required to register.

The idea that we should forcibly conscript young girls into combat, to my mind, makes little or no sense.

Look, if I lose another Martha Plimpton show too soon, I’ll cut a bitch.

Unless you’re fat. Then he’s kind of shitty.

As a longtime Bernie supporter, I am happy that we are finally ending our campaign with grace and allowing Hillary to focus on beating Donald Trump. Now that Hillary beat us fair and square, I have had some time to review her policy positions. It surprised me to find out that she is exactly the same as Bernie in terms…

Is that Kim!?

Sean Penn naming a child has the same process as a 4 year old naming a goldfish.