I had a student driving with me once in the work car. Then she got cut off, and she was all 'urgh! Asian drivers!'. She was Asian.

This is pretty much exactly how my cat is. (GOD I JUST LOVE CATS SO MUCH.)

Jez needs to replace all Kardashian and Bieber Tweets with Kumail’s. He kills it multiple times a day on Twitter. He needs to be on every Tweet Beat.

THAT. IS. TREMENDOUS. It’s like a cross between a miss america essay question answer and a monologue from Mean Girls

I don’t know, but she is clearly having a lot of trouble understanding race relations, punctuation, and how colors work. I hope she gets the help she needs in school, and, in the meantime, at least she has her kind and loving personality to fall back on.

They didn’t know! It wasn’t on social media yet, so they didn’t know!

Oh, they’re not so very racist.

Baby Ryan Reynolds is adorable.

Kumail is such a treasure

This this this. My baby will be two soon and I’d kill a room full of motherfuckers before I’d let anyone starve him, and I’m not even a particularly good parent.

Well, this child had already exited the womb, so no one really cares. I mean, it's not like we're a country that invests in education or health care for our youth.

Today, we are all that atheist.

Man, I try not to be That Atheist, but this kid literally died because someone had told his family and members of his community a bunch of fairy tales about demons and shit.

SAY YES TO DRUGS AND PIZZA

Ah good to know. California's in an epic drought but really, keep that grass green for the elitist sport and stupid hipsters to ruin.

Is see through clothing with granny panties a thing now? (Other things I don't get: gladiator sandals and rompers).

My first thought last night was if Game of Boners was going to be back today. You've made my day Madeleine!!

Anna Kendrick wins.

Exactly. The first thing I thought of was his mother. She should've swallowed him.

I am going to repeat my last comment about the little known fact that Coachella is French for: Douche Parade.