That was the point i started laughing out loud.

In all fairness, that cat should not have been standing where Jacob threw his wrench.

That was the best line IMO! I snorted.

I laughed until I couldn't breathe. And I'm not even high.

"I bonked my kitteh."

I've never actually seen it myself but it must have happened at one time, probably more, because the bathrooms at my job have signs in all the stalls and sinks saying to please use paper to clean your nose. What people were using instead I can't even imagine. O_O

Not just a vocation, a position that comes with minor celebrity status Just think, your obituary would be paired with nostalgic editorials reminiscing of your naked exploits over the years. Seriously, when he died it was like we all realized that at one time or another, we'd all seen him. His inappropriate nudity…

You guys have awakened in my mind with your hideous tales a story which has been dormant for a long time, like an Eldritch horror squirreled away in my subconcious, venomously dreaming.

Once at that zoo on a field trip, I saw 2 turtles totally humping each other. Most parents turned their kids' heads away but the kids got real upset over not being able to see the turtles. My friends and I, being in junior high at the time, laughed our heads off and also watched really closely. I will never forget the…

Cities have local naked guys? That's a vocation?

My first year of grad school we had an eminent scholar visiting from Oxford (so eminent they made a commemorative gargoyle of him). He's teaching us and in the middle of our seminar pulls a large piece of dead skin off of his scalp and eats it. I can never read his scholarship without seeing this image in my mind.

This is from back in the day, decades ago. One morning I got on the subway at the Bedford Ave. stop with my long Brooklyn hair (it was decades ago, we all had it). It was jam packed (usual) but I noticed a break in the bodies so I sidled toward it because I was young and foolish. (Stupid, I know. NEVER, ever head…

Isn't that funny how the most buttoned up offices will have the grossest bathrooms. I have worked in not one but two corporate offices where women have had explosive diarrhea that ended up on the walls.

It was a Friday night in college, which at my party-school alma mater meant it was the third night of the weekend. I was friends with guys who had a friend who had Greek roommates (as in the country, not the dudebros) and they had a buddy of theirs from Cyprus who would be headed back to the homeland the next day.…

Human feces lying on the floor of the bathroom at my work. Just sitting there for nearly a full 24 hours.

The category was "grossest", no mention of "funny". I think this qualifies. It's pretty freaking gross.

While not nearly as absurd, I was waiting for the library to open and a young man was clipping his nails (with what looked to be a wire cutter or something similar) and his nail went flying and hit me. I death stared him and after an excessive delay, he just looks over and goes "oh" and keeps going about his clipping.

At least he did it on the newspaper?

OH FUCK.