Pssst, dude...you're on camera! Yes, seriously. Whenever the President is talking, the camera is pointed straight at you. No, I'm not kidding. Dude.

Retirement planning complete!

YES! Forearms and being kind and cooking. And most especially yes to guys driving calmly and safely. I remember vividly one Very Bad Date with a guy who picked me up in his show-offy Porsche and proceeded to drive us up over the Golden Gate bridge and into the Marin headlands as though he had a serious death wish…

I'm so intrigued by this. I genuinely just assume that everyone in the whole wide world showers at least once daily and that it was sort of mandatory—like brushing your teeth at least twice a day. On the rare days when I don't shower at all, I feel yucky (even if I didn't get super sweaty), but now I'm wondering…

There is nothing better than when performers are clearly having the time of their fucking lives up there. The joy is totally infectious and just makes me wish I could have been in that room. For sure one of the best Grammy moments ever.

Ugh, Michelle? Shilling for Subway? Yeah, they do purvey some veggies—alongside the heavily processed meats and cheeses—and they offer some low-fat options that probably make Subway, in the grand scheme of things, a less heinous health choice than, say McDonalds. But nothing there is really "fresh", and oy, the…

thanks to you, i just laugh-snorted a piece of ice cream sandwich through my nose. OW! or should i say AAAAAARRRRGGGH?

for the love of all that is holy, LET THE PUPPY SLEEP!

She is always so insanely lovely, and that's still the case this time—despite the terribly strange, strange ensemble. I love the color of the top but it hangs so awkwardly. I wonder if she wore this bad outfit just to make the rest of us mere mortals feel a little better.

There's no arguing that McConaughey has appeared in some truly horrible, piece of crap films. For a long, terrible while, he seemed to be on the pretty boy track wherein he could merely trade on his good looks and native charm vs. putting in any sort of effort. But to give credit where it's due, he hasn't phoned in…

Not sure I get all the "McConaughey HAS to be on coke" (or tweaking or what have you) momentum. We've seen loads of other actors accept awards who are clearly amped beyond belief and talking fast and excited and babbling, and occasionally saying some wackadoo shit. Does everyone assume that that behavior is…

who's going to break the news to Jessica Simpson? #toolate

i would totally try to crash said party

true!

i was going to go with "eye of Sauron"

When she first started to walk out on the stage. I started giggling because, for just a second, I thought it *was* a gag. She was shuffling so clumsily, I thought it had to be a joke. Worst dress in a very, very long time.

laughing/wincing

I've thought the same thing. She often looks in photos like she's super aware of the camera and trying to pose and look purty vs. actually being in the moment. I give it a year.

I was smitten by the tidbit that Jesse Williams met his wife when he was working as a schoolteacher....

UGH! My mother-in-law as done this thing, too—several times. It's so hard because she's a really sweet woman, and she's not stupid, but she seems to have a big blind spot where fad diets are concerned. I was seriously concerned for her health when she told me what this HCG thing was. 500 calories a day is…