The best age for children is the age that they move out of the house because they have a big contract with a professional sports team and then they buy you a house.

Dangerco sounds cooler anyway.

Glad to see the guy finally caught a break.

What does it mean to flash your “Casper”?

I’m really glad to see comments like yours that prove I’m not crazy for wondering what in the holy hell I was reading.

This was the weirdest piece. So pretentious and schizophrenic.

And then wrote a barely readable essay about it.

If you want to add a bucket of burnt hair to it, I mean I probably will pass on having some, but: do what you want.

I’m having a hard time identifying the part of this insufferably navelgazing thinkpiece that couldn’t have been written from OUTSIDE the restaurant, instead of adding more profit to this dipshit’s Hooray Casual Racism Day event. Why, exactly, did you need to throw more money on the pile?

Thank you. What a bunch of pointless, anti-climactic navel gazing with absolutely nothing interesting to say. It reads like a college freshman’s first semester essay.

Wow, do you think so? I thought it was MFA nightmare writing.

“It’s a slippery slope.”

Sorry, but I won't stop having sex with your sister.

What’s next?

Sex might be the only thing he does anymore that’s below par.

Cats are a useless pet. They are always bad and never good. This was true before the discovery of toxoplasma gondii and will be true if this parasite is eradicated.

I’m going to guess here, but “score more goals”?

It wouldn’t be the first time a guy from Kentucky is lured by Cousins.