I'd subscribe to cable just to watch that!

It's like "who will watch the watchmen," y'know?

Freakonomics told me that it's only an economically sound purchase if they're over (I don't know a reasonable weight).

Beat me to it, you bastard.

All is forgiven

Bears, you're well known for your bitchy one-liners in the comments section. Obviously the strength of your joke will depend greatly on the content of the article and the various directions you can take it.

See what happens when you request "The Rains of Castamere" for the father/daughter dance?

I read this as "waitress gropes finance bro, doesn't think it's a big deal". Harassment is not cool towards any gender but damn an unapologetic ass grabbing waitress would be a personal hero.

I wish we still had #COTD, because this is the best.

One of the hottest doctors I've ever seen delivered my second son (via c-section). Nothing like having a crush on someone who's seen your insides! After my son was born, and the doc was sewing me up, I said to my midwife, "Make sure he puts my insides back the way he found them, OK?", and from behind the drape, he…

Sizeists like you do not deserve my tonsils! They are height/weight proportionate and that's all you need to know.

Yeah. On the one hand, the reporter was a lying asshole. On the other hand, she tried to auction off amputated labia bits. Maybe it's a tie?

*throws money at Grunt* I want it!

I'm saying "what" at "I can't believe I'm about to defend Sydney Leathers's labia auction here." Why would you NOT defend a labia auction? Selling things that used to be your body parts is awesome! That's what the whole Tooth Fairy thing is about. Anyone want to buy either or both of my tonsils?

Agree. I busted out laughing. So on point!