In Hell, this is Friday Night Fights’s main event every single week

Mine calls me the Loch Ness Monster; two big humps and then I’m gone.

“fuck you, you 5 pump chump!” - Pappa John

When barefoot you can’t apply the brakes as effectively under an emergency.

“I always get pissed when I’m at a car show and people let their kids put their grubby little hands all over the fucking cars. I want to chop their hands off for it. I understand manufacturers probably expect their cars to be touched at these shows but when some kid has a churro or some shit in one hand and has the…

I feel like foot stank could do way more damage to your carpet than a shoe would. It’s also illegal to drive barefoot in a lot of states.

Also most states it is against the law to drive with out shoes!

I’m mocking the “libtard” line the right likes to use.

LOL, no, but thanks for the idea. I really want to catch her in the act of doing a half-assed job of putting the lid back on so I can go “Ah-HA!!” Because, really, that’s what marriage is all about...

Nothing is worse than walking into the bathroom the moment your grandmother steps out of the shower.

The motherfucking goddamned dishwasher thing. Knives blade up (cool, if you’re the one emptying it, which she isn’t, ever), shit just piled in at random, every cheap, meltable plastic item in the bottom rack, casserole dish laid flat on top rack. And there is literally no pre-hosing going on; crusty dishes everywhere,…

You’re zero percent religious but still mildly conservative? Please explain as these don’t usually track.

Yeah. I don’t think anyone is delusional enough to think that the Wolves actually had a chance to win this game/series, but this article has to be a joke. I mean that second clip... Wow. I guess if the Rockets can get away with that for the rest of the playoffs they’ll have a decent chance of winning it all, but…

That moving screen in the second clip is so egregious I’m convinced this whole article is a troll job.

My girlfriend put a bowl right in the middle over this protruding part that feeds water to the top rack. The bowl was super clean but nothing else got water.

I’m convinced my wife loads the dishwasher like an anarchist just to fuck with me. There’s no way she could really mean to do that, right?

How to load the dishwasher. I swear to god, she’s like Heath Ledger’s fucking Joker. Just chaos.

I’d just sit down and talk through it with her over hot dog sandwiches.

I love Karl-Anthony Towns and Butler’s games, and goddamn do I want them to be freed from the clutches of Thibs, who seemingly hasn’t had a fresh idea since, what, 2013?

Section 2.A: Reason for legal separation:
__ Infidelity
__ Irreconcilable differences
__ Marriage based on false pretenses
__ TACO CHIPS?!