My aunt Bonnie’s second wedding was a small affair in Lake Tahoe. Her cake was from a chain grocery store, which, since it was located Tahoe, did regular wedding cake business and had a pretty large bakery section. My aunt’s fiancé, Steve, picked up the cake the morning of the wedding and came back to the cabin we…

I fear a different kind of cake disaster.

I wanted a 3 tier square shape, small and simple. My ex husbands mother claimed to be the cake boss of the rural south and “could whip that up easy peasy.” She kept me up to date on cake progress and everything she was super stoked, and I bought the hype. Come the day of our wedding (April fools day actually) we get…

Sand Snakes are so poor.

boy oh boy have i been waiting for this all day

I used to work for the tabloids, so it’s not a question of if I have a story, but which one I tell the Jezzies.
There was the time Dave Navaro refused to be interviewed unless I gave him a blow-job. He had just married Carmen Electra.
There was the time on a red carpet that a very drunk Gary Busey asked me how, a…

Ahahaha making a throw away account because my friends definitely know this story. When I was a senior in high school, I was really into the poet Adrienne Rich. Which kind of tells you all you need to know about the type of person I was at that point in my life. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adrienne_… for the…

I like you and I bet you are awesome to hang out with.

I went to see a screening of the second Boondock Saints film (for all its deep and obvious flaws, I have an abiding fondness for the original, entirely because of the gorgeous men and all the homoeroticism) that included a panel discussion with Troy Duffy and a few of the actors afterward. The move was so awful I…

Thanks for bringing this up. 10% of marriages worldwide are between first cousins. My aunt married her first cousin (her daughter is my first and second cousin). My great grandparents were cousins. More than one president has married his cousin. Cousin marriage is far more common among people from some parts of the…

I’ve fantasized about doing stupid things, but never actually did them, so here’s a story of why dogs are the best: My last awful breakup (I was dumped by email, of course) I was looking after my sister’s dog. I cried hysterically in bed for about 5 minutes until the 130 pound dog latched onto my shoulder and…

My ex thought it was a good idea to move to another state and hide from child support. Since he had such a consistent history of cheating I thought it would be easy to track him down on Craigslist’s Missed Connections. Someone had to know him because he had penis and it did wander. A lot. He also loved to make sure…

I got him banned from his mother’s house, moved in with her myself, and she bought me a puppy.

*cheers* Fuck you, Blaire.

Fuck you, Blaire.

The asshole cheated and then broke up with me before I could dump him. And I was very angry so I called him a few weeks later and said I was pregnant. I let him stew for a week and then told him I needed $500 for an abortion. He paid and I took my best friend on a road trip and had the best damn time EVER

So I guess he’d been planning to give me my walking papers. But after finding out I was pregnant he did the honorable thing; went Dutch on the abortion and stayed in the picture until I managed to go three consecutive days without crying.

My only serious college boyfriend and I were both huge stoners and our relationship mostly revolved around smoking out of his giant, beloved two-foot decorative purple bong named “The Mystery Machine,” having sex and playing Super Smash Bros. Melee. He was in the Army ROTC had to enter the service after college. Since…

Broke up with boyfriend of 3 years over the phone (LDR) because I couldn’t let him spend thousands of dollars on a vacation for us when I knew I didn’t want to be with him anymore. Proceeded to get black out drunk at a dive bar with my two best friends - and I mean DIVE bar. Like the lights were harsh, the bartenders…

When I found out my long term boyfriend had a new girlfriend, while we were still living together, I walked to the nearest travel agent and booked a flight to Europe, got an express passport and then quit my job. I was outta there in under two weeks.