Ashley, I know you probably take a lot of shit over your work here, so I wanted to tell you I have started to deliberately check Deadspin when something like this breaks, knowing that your article will both appropriately reinforce my horror and commiserate with it. You’re great. Fuck anyone who tells you otherwise…

Well, hey. Trump may have a blank check to destroy this county for everyone who isn’t wealthy, white and male, but we can all take comfort in the fact that Mitch McConnell will push back against congressional term limits. He’s truly the hero we deserve.

Cowboys Executive: The way it works is we get ourselves in a good position and we don’t make a move again until it’s over. Got it?

Do I believe they called him “Diaper Don?”

On the bright side, they missed out on this election too

Some perspective on how historic this is:

To capitalize on the Indians’ success, the Browns launch their own Native American mascot, Gpodawund.

Are we sure, I mean really sure, he’s not actually on Philly’s roster?

So weird—I heard she’ll be 45 in January.

72 million.

The good thing is they aren’t stuck with this failing business model for an entire season, they can choose a new one everyday!

He should retire once he hits 69 TDs. Go out on top, or bottom depending on his preference.

I don’t get all the hate. He sounds like a great guy. If a teammate were ever in trouble, I’m sure Richie would be the first to stick his neck out if he had one.

Ken Bone, the undisputed winner of last night’s debate

Thank you for participating.

You don’t even want to know what they were tweeting at Ha Ha Clinton-Dix

Curt hasn’t been this invested in a trainwreck since 38 Studios.

I’m pretty sure it’s all part of the plan to have Carson Wentz replace Manning and Watt as the player your dad looks up to and wishes he had as his son.

Wow. And to think I’ve erroneously called it ‘Cleveland’ for years.

Carson Wentz will win Super Bowl MVP this year, fuck you.