Someone posted this on GT yesterday, and I’m still reeling.

Careful, Kim—recent signage has appeared that some vendors won’t accept bra/sock money in the summer months due to its gnarly “moistness.” Might want to spring for a fanny pack for your wad of ice cream truck singles.

I like Ross’ last word. this one goes to Ross!

“He once enjoyed being around me” is how I will now sum up every past sex experience with a gentleman bud.

1. She looks awesome.

Keaton needs a talk show. Stat.

Let your pets sleep next to you so they can alert you to ghosts and protect you from the closet monsters, DUH!

But you see, that’s SHOCKINGLY MODERN. She’s a GIRL. Who READS.

The Mother Daughter Special is my Judds cover band.

Much like South Park, Schumer fearlessly tackles taboo subjects like incest and bodily excretions, except she’s a person, not a cartoon.

Whip Smart is a fantastic Liz Phair album. 14 year old me loved it.

“Lighting Fast and the Whip-Smarts!:

The absolute best part of New Girl.

Whatever, Jaden. Me circa 1989 says my overalls are cooler plus I have this towel. (Why so huge, Kinja? Why?)

Someone should open up a pizza shop that only serves day old left over cold slices!

GOD SPENCER STOP SAYING THINGS I AGREE WITH I HATE YOU UGH.

Good tweets tonight! This one made me laugh.

My birthday is in May. Please make sure I’m a “pefect size 6" in the picture and that the lighting really captures my “golden blonde locks” and “Aquamarine eyes”

Who?