Iiiiiiiin south Philadelphia with my mom
Up the first-base line was where I had my glove on
Chillin’ out maxin’ relaxin’ in my seat
And a foul ball comes shootin’ outside of my reach
When the only other kid who gave the slightest shit
Started out first and beat me to it
He got one little hug when he handed me the ball
McCart…

<Extremely The Aristocrats punchline voice> The Ford Family!

I’m an old person so I’d have to Google most of those terms but what I think you’re saying is “Man murdered teenager. Man took graphic pictures of dead teenager and posted to social media as trophy. Man’s followers and public media began victim shaming dead teenager”.

Damn.  More howlers than a Costa Rican rain forest.

Billy Madison

Manager: “FELIZ!!?!?!?!!!11!!?!”

I was told this material would not be on the test today.

Hey, it’s Enrico Putz-lazzo!

it would be funny for a Canadian team to have the NBA champtionship before the Stanley Cup, but that’s NAFTA for you

he just stood there like a lump

Of all people, you’re surprised that this guy abstains from being a swinger when he encounters another dude in an unfamiliar position?

But Mary wasn’t Asian. 

Every photo of Meghan McCain makes a lot more sense if you imagine she is letting out a pent-up fart.

He would have, but it was against the law.

More to the point: what’s with all the random shit cluttering up televised radio show studios? Surely not every one of those objects sparks joy...

But “wetness” is only a subjective sensation arising from the conjunction of solid and liquid matter, so water being wet is not actually an absolute truth. I thought we had moved past such retrograde essentialism!

But then you’d just end up with a Brontësaurus. 

I mean, there are still great authors out there putting out interesting series that could be adapted new for audiences. I just read through the Iron Druid series by Kevin Hearne and that would be cool to see on-screen somewhere.

This is what happens when you rely on Sale Price pitchers.