All fun & games until that bed slams you up against the wall in the middle of the night!

Two insufferable cities in this country who think they are each the be all and end all of humanity, that hate each other with a passion.

Anytime a Burn Notice reference pops up in my head I think of those three key words in your comment.

For some of the Peralta Community College students, this might have been their only chance to get A’s.

I was hoping this proposal would pan out. If they’re not going to move to Portland or Montreal, they need a near-future upgrade from the Oakland Coliseum, or as I sometimes like to call it, the Cholo Grounds.

Crossing my fingers that this gets us a Burn Notice return for St. Patrick’s Day, just so we can hear Michael Westen turn into MOYKAL WESSEN.

And that’s only if you’re white. Anyone of color will have to enter through the service door around back.

crazy to think that someday we will all crawl into that huge pink mouth and huddle behind the shattered and tilted peaks of his teeth along the rolling wet hills of his McDonald’s-impacted gum line as he leaps, naked, out into space on a trajectory set for Earth 2, a quivering savior hurtling spread eagle through the…

“Looks normal to me.”

I know it’s funny guys, but putting peanut butter on the roof of his mouth doesn’t really make it look like he can speak English. Also please make sure you use creamy PB so he doesn’t accidentally choke. Actually, forget about that part.

cocaine is not good when you have your hand on the button.

“Mutumbo like tribute *cookie monster laugh*”

I think this is more common than you think. In Boston, every time the camera catches someone drinking Coke, they pan up to Reggie Lewis’ jersey hanging from the rafters.

Alabama Republicans did a lot of soul searching with Roy Moore. But in the end, they were willing to open their hearts and forgive him for dating outside the family.

Now the movie sleeps with the Xenu.

Hey, up your nose, with a rubber hose!

Hey, off my case, potato face!

man you wouldn’t think 21 century would slot in nearly as well as it does here...

[Most players last night]: ...huh?

Is there a sign on my garage that says “Dead Klingon Storage”?