California is sane. Pretty much anywhere you go, there’s a liquor store nearby where you can buy whatever you want.

These two sentences do not belong together:

he’s from Mississippi. That’s drinking water.

Wait NBC employed a serial sexual harasser? Where have I heard that song before? Hmmmmm....

“Alexa, initiate sexual harassment mode”

I still don’t get why people are acting like Lauer’s firing comes as some sort of a shock. The only shock is that he was allowed to do this shit for as long as he did. The man is a true piece of shit in every way, and perhaps the hackiest non-Fox News anchor around.

Bob, you could have told somebody.

Those aren’t pillows!

Huckabee Sanders is the human incarnation of a Dorito fart trapped in a throw pillow.

On the day that donald trump dies, I will say to myself “I am sad that donald trump is dead, for I will never get to experience the joy of finding out he died ever again.”

Nobody wants anything from these guys trickling down on them.

I think Moore’s actual campaign van looks like this:

I haven’t seen an NFL player go back to the line with such regularity since Michael Irvin’s retirement party.

The U2ducken

I am internet commenting on a blog post about an email referencing a tweet which leaked info about a Youtube tab.

At least I’m not wasting my entire fucking life over here.

You can’t spell “bench your elite quarterback” without Eli.

Whenever I see a Safelite repair tech, I make sure to take a second or two to thank them for their service.

You wanna keep your jewelry safe?

So can we call this...