This is also on her list, I know I am not the only one thinking it....

The moral of the story is, don’t run a marathon.

I hope she just literally peed on him because he’s the worst.

I would comment on the nature of his article itself, but I knew he was a world class bullshitter when he humble-bragged that on his very first trip to the snackateria, he managed to make his partner squirt.

I am naturally a “throw it all away” person. My entire sentimental items is a box that is like 1’x 1’. But I live with a damn hoarder-ish husband, so no matter how well I organize, my life is clutter hell.

I had been hoodwinked, bamboozled, conned, duped, flimflammed.

I was very close with my aunt, I even lived with her and my cousins when my first marriage ended. She had cervical cancer, and was given 2 months to live. The next week, I found out I was expecting my youngest. She made it until the day before he was born. He was 6 hours old when I got really sick. I had apparently…

The logo for the GOP should really be a camel trying frantically to wriggle its way through the eye of a needle.

I was going to do the math but then I remembered I’m bad at math and also math is dumb so I just pressed a lot of numbers until I didn’t feel like it anymore.

The fact that no one can stand your sorry ass for more than six weeks is not a condemnation of monogamy.

You have brought me disappointing potato salad for the last time.

Fuck IPA fever. I am so sick of wasting ten minutes per table explaining our vanilla espresso IPA, our 36,000,000-minute IPA, our Antidisestablishmentarianism IPA. Go hump a barrel of hops and GTFO of my face.

“So, your table stopped me and asked what kind of fish they had was because they thought you were lying to them; I told them it was cod and they asked why we didn’t have real fish.”

Israel wants other countries to move their Embassies to the contested city of Jerusalem, which Israel considers its capital. The international community doesn’t recognize Jerusalem as Israel’s capital since East Jerusalem is occupied territory. Right now, the U.S. Embassy is in Tel Aviv, and every President has kept…

Mohamed is going to get closer to the Whitehouse than she ever did. How do those grapes taste, Sarah? A little sour perhaps?

Does it look like I know how your shit works? SURE. EVERYWHERE. I’LL JUST DO IT EVERWHERE.

This is terrible. O.o

I am ashamed by how much I sometimes feel relief at not having a mother-in-law (poor hub’s mother died when he was in college).

That’s like saying you work in the Uruk-hai growing pits of Mordor.

You’re thinking of the Trumpback whale.