Gwen and her earnings from No Doubt, her solo career, the Voice, L.A.M.B., her MasterCard endorsements vs. Gavin and his work on the Voice and um, that one band with that song...oh and that Keanu Reeves movie!

The gluten-lady’s meal ended with her ordering the ice cream sundae for dessert because she is also lactose intolerant, duh.

Is this real life? Who are these people? What is a sandwich? I don’t even know anymore.

“I’ll have some Jizzlers, a box of Reese’s Penises, Mike an Dykes, and of course, a box of Cunts, please.”

I cannot wait till 2016 when we find out what ordering a small coffee the Trump way means.

Funny, I was fired for the way I held a gun while wearing panties at my last job.

I was going to chip in for a “Get Well Soon” card for Hallmark, but I think I’ll just send a text.

I think this about sums it up my feelings about this news.

I fail to see what went wrong in the last story.

Don’t ask questions, just SMELL THE GODDAMN PIE, LADY!

Sherry-Jane Longface

Each one of these entries had my inner Bon Qui Qui just ready to cut a bitch.

“Get behind me, Satan!” Jesus said. “You do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns like free movie tickets and inappropriate forms of childcare.”

I think there are other food establishments that would be considered more “weirdly upscale” than a pizza joint and grocery store - weirdly upscale tacqueria, weirdly upscale beef jerky truck stop, weirdly upscale Olive Garden, etc.

The picture makes it looks like she’s dreaming of eating Jon Stewart while debuting her Jon Stewart dress, which only enriches the insanity of it.

Jesus, each of these stories should have ended with a scalding bowl of soup to the dick for the men involved.

Greg Heartsill, it’s time for you to:

“Because it’s a kilt, it has to be straight down,” he said, according to Smith. “It can’t flare out around your hips. It has to hang straight.”

I want it all. I want to be the celebrity that flaunts my makeup-free, man-bunned baby bump’s love for the dramatic and Joshua Jackson’s temporary tattoos.

My guy friend used to work in the gym of a fancy hotel and encountered Simon Le Bon splayed out in the steam room. If it’s any consolation, my friend reported that Simon has a tiny, tiny pecker.