My husband cannot throw the ball and fetch the ball.

Jet fuel can’t melt a brontosaurus.

Now I just really want to know what Miko’s parents taught her about the bees.

My God...this Kinja.....

We should all stop jumping to conclusions and wait for the fax to come out.

Panthers with bats has now entered the Nightmare Fuel lexicon, right there with Robots with Lasers and Belichick with my mom.

Eli only supports candidates that dodged the draft like he did.

LeBron unavoidably tripped and fell into her. God willing, Dash and Lucy should welcome a little brother or sister come September.

Everything is a dunk. I am a dunk. This chair is a dunk. My stapler - you guessed it - a dunk as well.

First Kyle transfers. Then Kyler is considering transferring. If Kylest goes, it’ll be really bad.

Bowe knows benches.

“So now it’s okay to force them to dance!?”

I can’t believe you would ask the fine readers of this site to listen to D&C.

You’re a monster, Samer.

In the late 90’s, my company was acquired by Snyder’s company. They flew me out to D.C. and executives (not Dan) wined and dined me the entire weekend. On Sunday afternoon I was summoned to his office to go through final discussions. I was first met by the CFO, who tried to convince me that my company wasn’t worth…

BRUNELL FAWNS OVER BRETT OVER FAWN UNDER WATER

very funny, but -1, technically.

My 90-year old grandfather still goes to the gym five days a week. In his case, it’s inspiring and sweet because he’s trying to maintain whatever health he can. And he has no delusions about being a body builder or athlete.

Friends, here I am in my hat and my bones are now sand. I try to make the club push the ball to the flat circle and all I get is a twist and a screech and oops my liver has divorced itself from my body and now lives in Malibu with a beautiful husband named Rick. I drove my helicopter to my private swinging course and…

Christ, watching that slow-mo Vine is painful.

I’m feelin’ seasonal right now