“I’ve spoken with Native Americans across this great country. Two, in particular, really resonated with me. Their names were Tibia and Fibula from the Snapcreek Nation, and they just shattered me with their enthusiasm for the name. Absolutely cracked me up.”

Clearly, the approximate 8,000 daily calories consumed by a Tour de France rider are spread out

4,000 is the baby earth theory.

Meanwhile, Austin Rivers plays a sad game of 1 on 1, alone, at the gym, wondering why none of the cool kids came to his birthday party and all went to Deandre’s instead even though Dad said there’d be a bouncy house and ice cream cake and everything at Austin’s party.

I’m at DeAndre’s house right now and except for the gun and eighteen sticks of dynamite Steve Ballmer’s holding this whole party is pretty chill.

The tarp was angry that day, my friend. Like an old man returning soup at a deli...

Pretty evil on Mettenberger’s part. The real master plan:

A lion doesn’t concern himself with the opinions of a sheep. Time to attack the day.

Meanwhile Russell Wilson’s biopic, Chaste from the Pocket, remains on schedule.

Unreleased mode.

Should Donovan McNabb have been driving while under the influence of an alcoholic substance? What do you think?

Product Disclaimer·

Going off the images alone (it’s 2015, who has time to read), I’m assuming this machine artificially impregnates you. Congratulations, handsome soccer man, on your new, terrible cyborg baby that will burn its way out of your urethra in nine months.

Just Like Your Girlfriend, Ciara Is Having Sex

“Hey Russ, we know you want $25M a year, but what would you do if we took all that “extra stuff” off the table, and just did it Jesus’ way?”

I am totally not stopping you.

Do you get the feeling Jim was dong something else and not paying any attention whatsoever to Cowtip? I bet he’s installing a new water heater by himself or something.

I am engaging in normal hu-man interactions with you, Colin. Is this not expected of hu-mans? Shall I express additional pleasantries?