Absolutely one of the artistic paragons of our time. By only the second sentence I have already completely lost my shit:

Which One of Mumford’s Garbage Sons Are You?

you: I assume the author meant field players only
me: [notes that the author specifically mentioned that Pulisic is a field player, which is a weird thing to do unless you are aware that some American goalies have had decent success playing in England and outfielders have largely not had much success at all]
you: you…

Seems like just about every deal here is Amazon or Walmart. No thanks!

Seems like just about every deal here is Amazon or Walmart. No thanks!

Oh that’s a cool idea.

The first thing I would do is get rid of this new crap of having stages within each race. That’s the dumbest fucking shit. Just have a race!

wait, you mean the way they did it for 55 years? get outta here.

COYE

And yet, because he is treading so far out into as-yet untested waters for an American field player

You’re probably right about that second part. Which makes me feel even worse.

It sucks ass that the Toto lyric response to this has 10x more stars.

He was really the best baller/rapist of the 2000s, not the 2010s.

You answered your own question in your second sentence.

My last roommate, who thankfully just moved out a month ago, was a veritable fountain of not understanding how to do extremely basic things or how to react to extremely basic and common things.

Hi. heavy dot com isn’t a reputable news source.

nor collusion.

Down in an unlit cellar with no stairs, in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying “Beware of the Leopard.”

Why are we all doing this to ourselves.

Some Taco Bell burritos hold up surprisingly well as leftovers.

Congrats to Boris Johnson on the impending Scottish independence.