You might be mistaken for Johnny Depp, or even worse a Johnny Depp groupie.

I take it your grandmother didn’t take out a reverse mortgage?

I doubt Mitch McConnell would have found her attractive...

I thought the sitcom suicide note was the addition of a child, the “Cousin Oliver Psychosis.”

One of the things I dislike most about Househunters International is they don’t go into enough detail about the house hunters. Couples who look around 40 who are retired and want a quieter lifestyle by the beach in Costa Rica. How? A 20-something who wants to experience Italian life so she ups and moves to Italy. How?…

We actually live in an open floorpan loft with hardwood floors and high ceilings. Never again. It is so loud. We do entertain a lot, and there’s nowhere to hide your crap except for the bedrooms, one of which usually nerves as the coatroom. When we’re not entertaining we are constantly within sight of each other,…

This is all of a piece. You need the open floor plan because you love to cook and you love to entertain. I love it when on House Hunters International couples looking for a place in some country where they don’t know anyone and don’t speak the native language talk about open floor plan/cooking/entertaining. Who,…

Have you ever heard her say “carbonara”? It’s like something a character in a Marx Brothers movie would say.

Julie Birchill! I haven’t heard that name since Rick Astley first promised he was never gonna give me up.

I meant rewatch, not retch, although this time spellcheck may know me better than I know myself!

You’re right, I forgot about the great Skinnygirl logo fiasco! I have to retch Season 1. I used to love RHONY so much but every season it just seems to get duller and duller. They’re still nut jobs, just not in an interesting or entertaining way.

Did Alex work though? I can’t remember. I know she wanted to pursue modeling and I think singing, which Housewife doesn’t.

Tabu has been around forever, I think you can still buy it.

He actually looks a little bit like QE2! She sometimes smiles like this, top teeth on lower lips, and he has her cheeks. Of course I can’t find an image.

Spearmint flavored Nicorette and that funny, musty smell that suits get when you wear them one time too many without dry cleaning.

True, but Virginia is not in the northeast. Richmond was the capital of the Confederacy.

As many of my fellow New Yorkers said to me, “Good God, Tim Kaine is even more conservative than she is. Well, luckily we live in New York so I won’t have to vote and the state will still go Democratic.”

The caption says she’s going to Danang to spend Thanksgiving with her son, so I’m sure the beehive opens to reveal an anti-aircraft artillery piece.

I’ve never done this but at some point I’m going to make a donation in someone’s name to the Heifer Project. It is a wonderful cause and I’ll have the satisfaction of saying, “I provided a cow to a needy family in your name. I knew you’d want me to.”