It’s like picking up my dog’s poop with a bag... so warm. So fresh. So awkward.

This might be naive of me but didn’t your wife’s partner, “after the lovin’”, say to himself, and maybe to her, “I know I put a condom on, what the hell happened to it?”

My story isn’t as bad but I’ve had a couple of cysts removed. When I got the second one I knew you had to be in a sterile environment and it was really acting up one weekend so I just went to the emergency room (with my gold-plated corporate health insurance; I’m sure I/they paid for a few of my neighbors in the…

It is the classic (and classy) candle-in-a-Chianti-bottle. In ye olden days if you saw one on your table that’s how you knew you were in an Italian restaurant. That and the plastic red-and-white checked tablecloth. And the sunfaded tourist posters of Italy. And the instrumental version of “Funiculi, funicula” playing…

Looks like your wine loveseat also has a shy wine club chair hiding behind it.

There was a quit smoking movement that was popular in the 1980s and one of their practices was to tell those who wanted to quit to put their butts in a container, I think the container was supposed to have water, and when you felt the craving open the container and take a big whiff.

Oh God, I just had a horrible flashback to when my dog was a puppy. He’s a large dog and was a large puppy, able to extend himself so he could grab things off counters. He used to love corks, I’d open a bottle of wine and the cork would disappear. A couple of times he knocked a bottle of wine to the floor, smashing…

When he does buy him this to put on it:

Maybe this lady (who might be a Trump relative) is under the table holding him:

I lived through that era and I never heard those called pussy bows, I always heard them referred to as power bows, because women usually wore those blouses with suits. Suits with huge shoulders, sneakers to commute in, leather soft-sided briefcase-like satchels, Cross pens, Filo-faxes, subway tokens...

This is my favorite Literature pick, from the Nobel’s own website:

Wait, so Bob Dylan gave Bill Clinton an original sculpture? I thought Clinton meant something like, “Thank you for all the great music” except in this case it was a sculpture on a roadway in a public park or something.

She went to Rod Stewart’s hair stylist.

There’s a trendy neighborhood in Tokyo where teenagers, especially young women, hang around and dress like this. I can’t remember its name. Do you live there?

What’s also perfect is Sigourney Weaver’s jacket. I love the color, and love the fact that the designer used the material saved by stripping off the lapels to stuff those Reaganesque shoulder pads.

Did you see the skit where he and Tina Fey returned to Weekend Update as undecided voters from Pennsylvania? Fallon could barely get out his (extremely lame) lines because he kept breaking character and cracking himself up. Elementary school productions display far more professionalism.

My least favorite Trebek moments are when he pronounces a foreign term in his exaggerated and often incorrect (but superior) way. His Italian is especially horrendous, he sounds like a Warner Brothers cartoon character from the World War II era.

Her real-life equivalent, at least. I just tried looking for the story on the Observer website but as expected I came up empty-handed. I’m almost sure it was them, they used to be very funny and snarky and they’d do all kinds of weird stories. They used to do this annual survey where they’d swab public surfaces and…

Then we will need this:

My big black lab mix sometimes likes to lie down and block the doorway between my home office and my kitchen. Usually I just step over him without incident but sometimes he gets this feeling that I might be going to the fridge, or better yet where his treats are kept, so he’ll get up abruptly, causing me to get one…