I’m an animal shelter volunteer and, between my wife and I, have four cats. PETA is garbage.

“fervent supporter of organizations like PETA”

I got an idea for a comedy novel; the annoying orange from youtube becomes president! Oh man, just imagine how totally fucked the people of the us would be if that happened! Just think of his terrible cabinet choices! Obama trying to maintain the dignity of the US while biting his tongue on how totally wrong this is!…

She said it cuz many children want to go to boarding school to live there after seeing Harry Potter, and instead of wizards and owls you get fucking maniac nuns and rapist priests as teachers.

Hot and sour soup is the best soup for sickness, hands down. It beats chicken noodle by a million miles.

Right?

Also, since when does the defendant need to identify the accuser? That’s not how it works.

I just snorted coffee into my keyboard. Thank you, sifu, for pee fu.

“Pee Fu.” I am dying.

You’re a goddamn genius.

That picture of him looks like the physical embodiment of his words, which are pure just-below-the-surface rage spiced with a heaping pile of denial kneaded together with generous helpings of entitlement and superiority.

SERIOUSLY. By making the movie’s outsiders the Mean Girls, they’re no longer outsiders, and it’s impossible to root for them because they’re the Mean Girls, so... we’re left with conventionally attractive, heteronormative, and socially adept people to root for? WAITAMINNIT.

I THOUGHT THE EXACT SAME THING!!!!! Fucker, if you’re trying to play out your indecent proposal fantasy, then fucking play out the indecent proposal fantasy! the fucking floor is $1mil, and your ass aint to robert redford

It’s obviously a conspiracy against him. I mean look at her. She would not be his first choice. It’s hard to be a 10 when you have to wear glasses. She actually offered $10,000 to Trump to sleep with him. That’s totally what happened and he turned her down because he’s already rich and just look at her. Not his first…

Let’s see if I can explain it to you.
I used to work as a professional body waxer. I spent a large portion of my days waxing people’s genitals. I had absolutely no qualms about it. However, on occasion, someone in a social setting would learn what I did and offer me money to come to their house and wax their junk. And…

He looks good for his age, and he seems like a good person. Trump can’t claim either of those things. I’d easily take a night with Redford for free over a night with Trump for 10,000.

One time recently, a guy on OkCupid offered me “$200-$300" to fuck him, out of the blue, as if soliciting random women on OkCupid is a solid plan. When I was offended not just by the violation but by what I saw to be an insanely low ball offer, my hilarious but somewhat emotionally cold friend googled the going rate…

Trump is a cheapskate. There’s no way he’s paying a million bucks for a lay....if his prenups are anything to go by.