If there’s any time that a swarm of flying penises is appropriate, this was it.

It’s all so surreal on so many levels.

Everyone has lied to me, everyone has deceived me… the SS has left me in the lurch. The German people have not fought heroically. It deserves to perish… it is not I who have lost the war, but the German people

Of course he’ll say “the biggest crowds ever.” In the face of video, audio, books and newspaper accounts, he’s still managed to deny, lie and exaggerate with a straight fucking face. The sign of a true sociopath.

I’m sure he’ll say, “we had the biggest crowds ever!!” But deep down it kills him that the crowds are small, just like it kills him that he is perceived as an illegitimate president.

Kellyanne Conway is dressed like a bad Assassin’s Creed character. The former campaign manager for and current Counselor to the President is dressed in a $3,600 Gucci ensemble and it’s just a whole lot.

I honestly don’t know what would be worse - Donald actually trying to pretend to be POTUS, or Donald just handing over the reigns to Pence/Ryan/McConnell.

Translation: trump isn’t going to pretend to be nice. He’s also not going to actually be nice.

I think realizing what this job entails already has. He somehow had no fucking clue, even on November 9, the enormous responsibility that would be heaped on his shoulders. I’d be appreciating his misery if it didn’t mean that anything he does will badly fuck up the country.

Kind of fitting for a 70-year-old who has lived a rich and sheltered life, isn’t it?

Fuck Donald Trump a million and half times. I hope pretending to be president ruins his life.

Let’s not exaggerate! Donald Trump travelled all the way to Slovenia to meet the love of his life’s family and stayed for an entire, uh, lunch?

KFC and Trump Grill.

“He has not been a person to do staged events for the sake of doing staged events.”

He’s tweeting, he’s occasionally visiting the two restaurants he likes, and he literally doesn’t get outside even to glimpse the sun:

Kirk would have trouble fangirling anything. I’m glad he didn’t.