"If he does anything again, it's pretty much a fireable offense," a source said.

Lilliputians: Fan of Giants

I laughed anyway. Sooo ... fuck you?

I find it interesting that there was a kerfuffle between the two, as I am 100% certain neither had any clue what the other was saying.

+1

Let's all be thankful Big Ben isn't the Travel Coordinator, as we've seen what happens when Roethlisberger has a hand in something other than the Steelers offense.

(Views poor artistic rendering)

I don't want to put my son through counseling because he said he'll hate me forever if I do."

(Meanwhile, in the secret underground headquarters of Dynamo Moscow, amid ominous rumbling)

"Haha, you saw that on T.V.? ... Yea, she's still asleep, didn't wake up at all ... I know, amazing, but I've got you to thank for that ... No, no, not gumballs, she likes Smarties ... Yup, just like you said, she spent like five minutes sucking on the tailpipe, waiting for Smarties to come out ... Ok gotta go ...…

"Let me tell ya, the word on this bracelet was that it was gaudy, flashy. Not ready for the big show. But I had a talk with it, and, wow, I was blown away by its charms."

Fantastic

Holy. Fuck.

There is no way MJ beats Mia Hamm in the soccer match described:

Everg-Laids

Insemin-Gator

It's a damn good thing Jacobs had an escort - were he forced to change lanes, the lateral movements would have slowed him down to about 20 mph.

In order to appeal to a more 'intellectual' fan, ESPN has hired M.C. Escher's grandson Chad to spice up their graphics. But he'll be fired when the elevators malfunction and nobody can figure out how to use Chad's newly designed staircase.

This is perfect! Someone take notes!

During the 7th inning stretch, the Mighty K.C. was invited onto the field to use his spectacularly large biceps, pecs, abs and thighs to try and drag the Mariners out of the basement.