Buchholz remembers bracing himself up against the bathroom tile of the shower stall and realizing the water falling from his face wasn't coming from the showerhead. His family houseboat trip to Niagra Falls had gone horribly wrong.

+1

That made me laugh.

Dana Stubblefield pleaded guilty to a count of making false statements. He was sentenced to probation.

Holy shit. +1

I think that's a matter of semantics. He may never have "rejected an impressionable young boy," but he almost certainly has stuffed one from behind.

The winner gets signed to Baby Formula-1 racing.

INCEST: Everyone remembers the steamy make-out scene between Luke and Leia before the duo knew they were brother and sister. But a simple Google Search for "Harry Potter Incest" reveals literally HUNDREDS of fan fiction sites devoted to romantic affairs between relatives. Frankly, it's repulsive. ADVANTAGE: CRUEL…

On November 15, the players will miss their first NBA paycheck. There are a shit-ton of pot and custom rim dealers who care very much about that date.

While it's abundantly clear that Serena and Patriotic Amputee are apparently engaged to cereal-box toys enthusiasts, it would appear Brian Wilson is engaged to the coat check girl.

First of all, if Josh McDaniels was cheating at football, one would hope he'd do better than 4-12.

Meta-salmon intercourse, however, is when two hipster salmons fuck while listening to Aerial Pink and discussing the band's relevance.

France doesn't understand what "Ambassador of Headers" means.

Classifieds: Jobs

That's hilarious

But those hoping that the women's spectacular success would help advance American gender equality would be disappointed. Husbands across the nation declined to clean their own shit off the couch, because, uhh ... I have some work to do on the computer ...

This reminds me of a few weeks ago, after the U.S. men's team's took a brutal ass-whooping at the hands of Mexico, when ESPN was forced to use Photoshop to make it look like players actually had any balls.

Pictured: The most revolting image of a Tour de France participant until the eventual winner is shown in newspapers denying doping allegations.

/html fail ... no edit button ... I'm sorry

Flacco: (Welp, this is as close as I'll ever get to fingering her asshole again)