I think he was trying to eat his white toast, but his double vision was so bad he cottonelle what he picked up.

This explains Parker's odd questioning of his relatives after the family had cleaned their plates of the delicious Thanksgiving Day fare.

After typing the last, excruciating period of his totally heavy article, Luke O'Neil slammed his keyboard down yelling Gggggggggrrrraaaahhhhhhhhhh , high fived his spotter, and punched out the nearest skinny female.

In baseball, it's pie in the face. Football; Gatorade. Soccer, they kick you in the head.

Brees: Thanks for coming guys! It shows a lot of initiative for you rookies to come out here and participate in these workouts. Especially when some of you, like this fuckhead to my right, won't even make the team.

A few of those entries seem a little odd to me:

Each night after the programs, Tressel will apply his training by heading to Nebraska Ave and attempting to get a blow job from a whore for free.

I don't think something that filthy has dropped from between a Spaniard's legs since the Gasol brothers.

Well I'll never forget the AC Milan's campaign; with all their flopping, it was difficult to tell which end they were even defending.

Every ball player has dreamed of emulating Willy Mays's catch, sprinting away from the infield at top speed as if your life depended on it. Well, that analogy slid in a little to close to home for Spring Head, MN JV softball captain Whitney Blanchley, who narrowly escaped a crazed rapist by making it to the fence,…

Elsewhere in St. Pete, the visiting Orioles arrived at the Salvador Dali museum, hoping that in some strange altered reality, they'd be good.

+1 Dry italian

And of course who could forget the 2000 throwback edition Pinot Nooooomaahhhhh!!

Grant Wahl tried something similar recently. After chastising Jozy Altidore for trying too hard to dodge tackles when inside the penalty area, instead of flailing toward the turf at the slightest hint of contact, Wahl decided to try a dive himself in a rec-league game. After being awarded a penalty and converting, he…

I'm fine. I did get stabbed, but it's a wonder what doctors can do these days. Lol. #ReAttached

His friends say he's a Natural, Ice cold under pressure.

Nice try Barry!1! That picture is photshopped and Howard Weeb is noot ded its just anoother librul conpiricy you stoppid librul go home

At his kitchen table, Jim Tressel puts down the newspaper and thinks, "What idiots!" He then dons a blindfold and earmuffs, and makes his way to work.

Unorthodox, scattered and perpetual

Oh that's just the way Jameer is. Once, in college, he stupidly bounced his rebuttal shot that would have sent the game to a three-cup overtime. It was easily swatted, but he made sure to tell Chaz that he'd see him in the second round anyway. Chaz replied that he'd make sure noone pissed on the recliner near the…