This just happened, on the 1st of this month.

Here’s a fresh one from summer 2016.

When I was 7, my older sister, who was 11, started telling this story about a disembodied green hand she’d see floating in her closet at night, if she left the door open. She made up shit all the time and didn’t seem to be actually afraid of anything, so my parents, my younger brother and I just chalked it up to…

That’s great! It’s pretty cool that your boobs make a miracle cure, right? :)

Okay so it’s not really “gross” and I probably told this story before, but it’s still hilarious to me.

Getting tackled by a girl is nothing to be ashamed of. Now getting tackled by a kicker...

Well, I guess it’s time for this Irish guy to come clean: I’m “Jose from Norristown.”

Unhinged Scientologist and quite a bitch. I can’t remember specific stories, but I went through a phase of reading a lot about scientology craziness and she shows up in a lot of the stories. She’s apparently very mean and a real bully. You can probably find a lot if you google it. I spent like a weekend reading about…

Oksana should really have remembered that they don’t remove The Trace until you’re 17.

We don’t eat cheesesteaks you fucking dipshit. Roast Pork or bust.

If you believe that to be true, then you’ve never had a Philly cheesesteak.

From East Passyunk to Manayunk, from Port Richmond to Darby, from Chestnut Hill to South Philadelphia, we shall fight on.

WELL FUCKING SAID

I keep hoping that during one of the 80,000 times a game that they cut to Jerry’s stupid face up in the owner’s box, a red dot will appear on his forehead and the TV feed will suddenly cut out.

Nobody actually believes that “America’s Team” crap, do they?

You would think that after two decades of obscurity I would get tired of rooting against Dallas and their fans. NOPE. I remember you shitheels. They could go 2-14 for 50 years and I’ll root against them every single time. My disgust for that team is radioactive.

As an Eagles fan who probably won’t see a Super Bowl in this lifetime, watching Cowboys fans suffer in due to an inevitable collapse is my heroin. May GM Jerry Jones live forever.

I have never felt more sympathy for Cowboys fans than I do at this very instant, having just finished this article.

Just like Cheetos, but won’t give you the Dad Bod (well, as bad)