Alexandra may be lying- the Jets beat the Raiders on opening day in 2014. Although from what I remember of Geno Smith’s performance that day, she may not be.

+1. Any woman feeling left out of the handshake scene, that’s what it’s like behind the curtain. More often than not, it’s obligatory bullshit, not a br0-down.

This also cracks me up because I met one of my heroes a few months back (Pam The Funkstress), who unexpectedly blew it up on IG or whatever when I brought a record for her to sign. I’m already shook to meet her, and high, and she put me on the spot and then offered the high-five and I just went “Hugs!” and went for…

How about “the pound” as the happy medium? A woman I’d been working with put in her last shift the other day, and tried to just mosey off into the sunset, not quite sure how to peace it out, and I went with the pound. It seemed to strike all the right notes. Maybe there’s just the right amount of irony inherent in it…

It’s about time we get a “The Purge” for terrible adults.

It’s so fucking beautiful that the Raiders came out winners and the league completely screwed itself when they kept them out of LA.

I love the Coliseum and will fight for its honor all day, but the sewage issues are real. You can’t have that.

They managed to crossover almost as well as Riddell.

I know I’m not the only person who got the impression they were trying to be some kind of anti-brand that either coincidentally or by design found a market in generally conservative, wannabe-SWAT team members. And then they expected to suddenly get over trying to be the opposite of that. Only kids and squares like…

My three-step reaction to hearing Jack Del Rio was a strong candidate to coach the Raiders;

Yeah they’re on deck for London.

The Browns are worse while they’ve both existed, but people care about the Browns. The Browns are a real franchise, they’re just always terrible. The Jags are like a probationary team that clearly isn’t cutting it. The experiment has failed.

The momentum has been slowly building this offseason, I had never heard it before either. Maybe this post can Hannibal Buress-it into the greater consciousness.

SF fans still feel like they have to live down to the stereotypes they have of Oakland and LA fans, and have yet to realize those stereotypes never made it out of the 20th century and now they’re the problem.

Collinsworth was indeed suit-worthy for awhile there, but I feel like he’s regressed back to mesh crop-top status.

Can we get more on Bortles being a drunk? It’s only just started leaking into the more general football milieu, but it’s awesome and explains so much...

I can’t get enough of the two guys too destroyed to tell the waitress whether or not to clear their shit, while she stands there trying not to laugh. Gold.

Any Raiders fan who thinks Carr is a liability is beyond reason.

Oh don’t worry, everything is going to be fine in Jacksonville...

Or you’re very large, with your very large friend, and you’re very aware your credit card is about to be declined...