The Cowboys want to let Dez go because of the the mysterious contents of an undiscovered video — while Jerry Jones flirts with Adrian "Bloody Scrotum" Peterson? What do they think Dez did?

I'm more troubled by the back hair.

The headline suggests you think this is a bad thing. The commentary suggests you're enjoying swingers' misery. Which is it?

The process was doomed from the moment peanuts received a top seed.

. . . and then local pets and wildlife began disappearing . . . .

I dig the Drunkspin, but my contextual appreciation would be enhanced with more information about distribution. To whit: Where can I obtain this yummy stuff?

Some of the responses to the mayor's Twitter announcement are hilarious:

Dead on. Thank you, Drew.

7. Williams. People from Williams are fuckers.

Fickki Drain and the Housewhips is my new favorite band name.

Three more weeks! Three more weeks!

This is a fantastic series. More, please.

And Bill Simmons was suspended for three weeks.

This was pre-ruined by overexposure, thankfully.

Simmons is awful. ESPN is awfuller for suspending him.

Is FSU as bad as USC for NFL quarterbacks?

We need to host a competition just to get the cheerleaders to defect. (Or at least make a movie with that premise.)

Goodell is done.

I should have known better than to read that.

Shoulda leaned in to it.