This is probably my fault, I was really sick the entire time Grown-Ups 2 was in theaters, I’m so sorry everyone, I know it was my job to keep comedy alive by funding whatever dumb commercial-filled hangout session a bunch of shitty SNL alumni was in theaters at any time.

Which means we’re about to enter the “Honestly I’d just shoot him with a manly gun” part of this cycle.

You’d think this guy starred in like 11 Elf movies and a Disney+ limited series called Buddy: Elfness Rising or something. It’s ONE movie he was in forever ago.

She is in fact a Conjurer(maybe but no indication of also White Mage). When she turns up in HW Trials she has a birch rod and casts Cure, Stone, Aero, all that stuff. It’s not only possible but honestly a pretty great pick that she gets a class change and glow up for this expansion (and I think the voice you hear at…

Sure, they all do that from time to time, but that doesn’t mean the theory makes more sense. Not like Thancred became a Gunbreaker because people kept mixing him up with Squall. Unless they wanted to use Krile to make a Relm reference, which would be a little weird.

But Krile isn’t an artist or a pictomancer, in either her FFV or FFXIV incarnations. Is that theory confusing her with Relm, who is just a different little girl from a SNES era FF game?

You see the melee class’ new weapon in the trailer, it’s a little straight-blade one hand sword deal. Smart money is that that class will be Corsair/Pirate, given the character’s overall aesthetic, and will reveal that it’ s a dual wield class with the other hand used for a big pistol as soon as we get the full…

Damn I haven’t thought about The Hat in an age.  Ridiculous pastrami nonsense restaurant.

The government didn’t announce aliens are real.  They just accepted vague second hand testimony from former government employees that are currently employed as conspiracy nutcases.

“Put yourself in her shoes: your high school crush is back in town, and he’s a hot chef. You give him your best banter, but he still holds you at a distance. Wouldn’t you agree to drive him to Winnetka if it meant you had a chance?”

Well yeah, but it’s Regan-era, not Reagan.  It’s New York during that brief era in the early 70s when little girls crawled around on the ceiling and projectile shot soup out of their mouths at all the street priests and thugs.

They’ve also confirmed that it’ll have all four Ninja Turtles this time around, so I guess that’s something if you don’t care much about Loud House and were buying this to have Garfield fight Donatello.

Let’s be real any announcement about shows having runners are just Disney trying to stay relevant ahead of an incoming dearth of content or news cycle shit that will last months.  This has about the same odds as any other Disney Star Wars project announced at a D23 or whatever over the past 8 years, which is to say…

Fuckin’ dieters trying their best to ruin a good thing.  Leave my damn diabetes medicine alone.

I can’t wait for the rise of old toy jingles played in minor key for horror movies. All “I’m Mr. Bucket... buckets of fuuuuuuuuun” and shit.

How many times do we need to show that the camera stuff in footage like the Nimitz episode is exactly explained by just knowing that the cameras use really low angles and automatic but slightly judder-prone gimbal movements?  It’s like it takes people about 6 months to forget and then boom “LOOK A THIS SHIT” again. …

He’s gunning for that del Toro top slot of “I almost did a thing” directors. 

Ooh, Nintendo AND Switch, how classy!

Okay I’m obviously on the artist’s side, but a tarot that is noteworthy for being “open to interpretation?”  THAT’S ALL TAROT DECKS ARE.

The sexual harassment culture is wild to me because like why bother? He’s so rich he could hire a full time staff of prostitute butlers and live on an island just tweeting half-brained dad jokes forever, but instead he only wants to play in the sandbox that has lawsuits in it.