This is the best interview he had given to date:

Midichlorians?

Ball may no longer be on the football team, but he is surely a walk-on addition to the wrestling team.

Mort, Dominos, and the Noid. It’s this generations Richard Gere and the gerbil.

+ 1/2

But is it a bitchin’ Camaro?

And when you don’t play him he produces. And when you do play him you discover your system does assign negative point values to a player.

Or he might be really hung over.

Jones then said he was proud of Weeden and breathlessly took credit:

These types of incidents are known to work as something of a pressure-valve for keeping hardliners in the Iranian government and military satisfied, even while Iran has openly engaged in dialogue with the U.S. at the same time.

Catholic Church Logic:

Tyson’s spokesman gave a terse “No Comment” when video revealed the angry former heavyweight champion grab the hoverboard and bite the tire.

A movie called Prince of Persia cast Jake Gyllenhaal as its titular character. And then doubled down, by making sure none of the other main characters where played by actors of Iranian, Middle Eastern or Muslim descent.

Very Metal

“Youse Tell’em!”

I just want enough outrage that it ends those fucking Nationwide and Papa Johns ads.

Hey, hey, hey...that phone sex doesn’t pay for it self!

“They said what in those text messages? Nah....Really?”

“Holy shit it looks like me.” -HGH enthusiast Peyton Manning

The left shark gives us this fantastic meme