Stay home if you can’t handle it.

TODAY ONLY! And also three days next week and probably three days the week after that since I swear there’s a post about Anker Gold Box deals multiple times a week but TODAY ONLY!!!!

TODAY ONLY! And also three days next week and probably three days the week after that since I swear there’s a post…

You can reduce anything to a formula and an outline if you want to. This is not a riddle you’ve cracked. It’s all the sharply funny and clever writing in step 4 that separates Guest’s movies from the billion sad wannabes that have come and gone and I’m sure keep coming on YouTube. When does yours come out?

Christ, you are a first ballot Hall of Famer in the “I find the ill intent in every single thing everybody says, no matter how obviously well they mean” Hall of Fame. People like you are why there’s no healthy dialogue about anything anymore. Congratulations. We’ll all just keep on saying nothing and hope you figure…

Just got greeted by the first interstitial ad I’ve ever seen on Lifehacker. That didn’t take long! #ThanksUnivision

I didn’t realize only white folks don’t like getting sucker-kicked. Sorry we’re oppressing you with our staid ways.

U R THE REALIST, BRO

*Wonders if Jordan would have used Notes.app if it was around in 1995*

Always found it amusing that such a big deal was made out of a blatantly me-too notes app that brought absolutely nothing to the table besides a proprietary sync service that was inevitably going to get shut down once the divas who created it grew too bored to give a shit. And yet, with the way they gave eight days’…

Even Hulk Hogan got those little goosebumps you get when you’re embarrassed for someone while reading this post. You need work. Hope you get the help you need! And also a laminator! Because apparently $14 is the difference between not even remotely considering buying something and “derp I guess I’ll buy it because why…

Even Hulk Hogan got those little goosebumps you get when you’re embarrassed for someone while reading this post. You…

Party + you two on the guest list = cancel the party.

Other than the software that drives the entirety of the experience of using a computer, THESE TWO LAPTOPS ARE EXACTLY THE SAME!

Material is so fucking hideous on so many levels. At least that atrocious tiny narrow bold font that’s all over Google’s websites hasn’t invaded Chrome just yet.

Only a shitpile like Gawker could be surprised and somehow offended by this. Special snowflakes, you all.

A sad but predictable move from a service, owned by another service, that is gradually losing sight with what made it so popular in the first place. Oh well, bloat on.

Another random Microsoft pet project that will be abandoned within the next two years. Why bother?

I’M SO EXCITED

I DOUBLE POSTED

And by the time this bloated nightmare of a movie ever comes out, this moment will have long passed. Classic Hollywood, always skating to where the puck just was (or was 15 years ago).

I love it when “Freedom of speech!” is bellowed by people who don’t even understand what it fucking means. Jesus christ.