SLOW AND MERLOT, LET YOURSELF GO!

Opening night of "A New Hope" SE release, my two, dumb high school friends and I are in the theatre (more than likely stoned), and as the camera pans down after the opening crawl, Steve (arguably the "smartest" of our trio) points to the screen at a random star in the far-off distance, and whispers, "Ooh! That star is…

Nice try, Bryan.

As a 14 year-old, I saw this opening night with my old man. It immediately became not just his favorite western, but, quite possibly, his favorite movie as well. Though he's been gone for five years now, I always equate this movie with him. And, my god, "Claudia's Theme." Just a perfect, downbeat, quiet theme.

We know how she feels about Pat… but what about Chris???

EXACTLY. I know that DW3 is the crowd favorite, buy my heart belongs to THE CRACKDOWN for the very reason you said.

I'll be rewatching DEATH WISHES 3 & 4: THE CRACKDOWN instead, thank you very much. Like I always do.

I stopped listening to DLM a long time ago. The number of things he gets wrong is absolutely infuriating. Not to mention, the appeal of hanging with a dude who's so fucking stoned he can barely focus lost its appeal around my junior year of college. Ron Funches, on the other hand, is wonderful. I had never heard of…

I'm willing to admit in front of Shiva and everyone that "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom" is my favorite movie of all time, and anyone who disagrees can have an entire helping of Snake Surprise.

In regards to Fancyarcher's puns about Willie Scott, will he stop?

Also, they're going, like, three miles an hour. It has the energy of a golf cart race.

NICE TRY, UH… ME!

Would she say that to Tom Petty?

As long as there's not some goddamned, awful cover of the beautiful "Heart's on Fire" by Fall Out Boy (feat. Missy Elliott), I think I'm in.

Doctors say they got a 50/50 chance of living… though there's only a 10% chance of that.

"You don't just walk into a meeting, and say, 'bugs.'" RIP to one of the greatest '80s corporate villains.

Beat it, Trump!

The thing I call into question is the questioning of his age. Wasn't that the idea the entire time — that this was supposed to be an older, hardened Bats? I remember that being a specific point about the character when he was first cast, so why would this be an issue now?

If only Norm MacDonald were weekend updating still…

ATTENTION ALL UNITS! ATTENTION ALL UNITS! NEED ALL AVAILABLE PERSONNEL AT THE WEIRD AL ESTATE! THAT'S AN ORDER GODDAMNIT!!!