That's going to buy one huge fucking plantation.

Barber: "What'll it be today?"

I love all the health care sponsorships flanking Mr. Sullivan in the pic.

How does this happen? How does it even get to that point? You'd think someone along the way would say, "wait a second, the Dolphins are a successful, profitable organization, why are we doing this?" and that people would agree and decide not to do that horrible thing.

As a proud and vocal Texan, I wish this was that Dan Patrick.

It was no contest for Patrick. The other guy was literally de whurst.

On the bright side, the road rash will go away long before any rash he might have picked up from a New Jersey podium girl…

Man. Lebron on the Thunder would constitute an absolutely devastating frontcou- THAT GUY EATS HIS OWN CUM!!1122/!?>??

Headline: "LeBron James Signs With the Thunder."

I'm no mathmagician, but the odds of this happening are about the same as getting hit by a truck being driven by a dog, right?

"Wow!"

If I wanted to know about two useless boobs, I'd lift Angelina Jolie's shirt.

"Are you and Rome still boys?

Making up names is fun.

My dog Hrbark will love it. The guy really knows how to lift a leg.

They're also selling the piece of the Metrodome turf where Gary Anderson took a dump on the field back in the '98 playoffs.

As a lifelong Mets fan, I have to object. Jews in New York tend to be successful.

Does the government not have anything to do? How about some hearings on fracking? Or Keystone? Or any fucking thing else that is meaningful. Stop preaching morality and ethics, and get to fucking work.

Later we'll all find out it was actually the NHL team from Ottawa that was so offended...