Shocked, shocked, I tell you that an extensive investigation by the sheriff’s office revealed that the deputy was in the right and the Negro trying to play like he’s a lawyer is in the wrong.

Pretty sure she’s crying salty tears ‘cause she won’t get your chapped lips on her clit.

I don’t. But I’m a monster.

It’s not something your daughter forgot. Experiences vary.

This.

Came here to say this exact thing. I don’t want to hear about charging him until every teary bitch who calls the cops on someone Black “because they’re making me uncomfortable!” pays up.

You know, my hotep-ass cousin ain’t good for much, but at least he taught me a helpful phrase for occasions such as this:

the devil’s dookeyballs

But she figured the napkin maggots weren’t near the buffet, so she went back to fill her trough?

Well, fuck it then, let’s not do the hard work of weeding through our music and tossing the shitbags.

I hope her former boss/co-star sees it, since he’s one of the biggest whiners out there.

I....

This ig’nant ass motherfucker was too lazy to even look for context clues. If its trolling screenname wasn’t a hint, the “boy” in the comment should have told you exactly who you were dealing with.

• Kelly is forbidden from relations with anyone 18 years old or younger

Please, for the love of God tell me this story is from the 50s.

I’m happy that he’s speaking up, sad that we had to wait for someone of a certain level of celebrity (and maleness) to co-sign.

This is why I cut bagels into three horizontal slices - much better bread to filling ratio. Also, try replacing the cream cheese with a nice, dill-y egg salad.

Crumpets are just a bit moister and “gummier” (but in a good, soak me in butter way).

How much does it cost? Because I don’t mind buying it and printing one copy per day. Which I use to wipe my ass.

Thank you for this. It’s such a weird thing to have the greatest love story you’ve ever heard be two people you know and care for. The one thing I want to share with folks is that this love story, which sounds heartbreaking - and is - is also the most life-affirming and joyful journey I’ve ever been blessed to…