April Ludgate needs to be in this as some sort of demonic creature.

Elon Musk is too flighty. Airy, if you will.

If I want Instant Pot, all I have to do is go to the store. No more trying to hook up with that “guy.”

That’s a relief. I didn’t want him to actually have to work for it.

If Trump had any balls, he would accept and install this golden toilet in his private bathroom just off the Oval Office. I’m surprised he doesn’t do it for spite.

Semen cleanup, aisle nine!

Just say no to Facebook and tattoos.

She needs start a casino first and get that box checked off.

Does Mitt Romney really have a Satanic Temple Suit?

You think Disney would have sprung for a star a long time before now.

The Minister of Loneliness is almost always a Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff.

The National Russian Association. We always win the election!

Sexy Nutella!

Cue the Downfall clip....

They chain up a tornado inside a little box and ask it when was the last time it saw Bin Laden.

She spent a summer living at the end of my dock. She was pretty aloof, but her mother was nice, and her British security guy Martin was always fun to have around. Escalade!

I’m trying to marry the ghost of the old Taylor because she’s dead.

Happened down in Tacoma just last week.

The headline makes you think the app is going around impregnating people, which I think should be the plot of a future Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie.

She’ll now become a zombie but her memory will linger.