OMG, I climbed that pyramid of the moon with my brother when I was 14 years old. We zoomed to the top and none of the adults could possibly catch us. We both had to pee so bad, so we each took turns in the center of the top of the pyramid.

This seems a bit harsh for one of those very few madcap crimes that can only be properly described as a “caper.”

Well, you can’t expect him to hunt them in Central Park now, can you? Guiliani ran all the prairie dogs out right about at the end of the “no radio, nothing in car” era.

Caitlyn Jenner is one of the worst things ever to happen to people like me.

I always get Caitlyn Jenner and Sarah Palin mixed up.

Ann Coulter. Haha, I’m prettier!

This isn’t unusual at all. Before I make any new serious decisions, I always go over the list of my old dead starred Gawker comments.

Pardon me boy, aren’t you the Chattanooga Choo Choo?
Track twenty nine, boy you can gimme a shine
I can afford to board a Chattanooga Choo Choo
I’ve got my fare and just a trifle to spare

El Presidente de los Estados Unidos

Functions of the Furious - The Derivative Of Danger is Death!

I would be delighted if the British were to take Donald Trump for a ride.

I’ve got the feeling that if this guy ever got any, he’d be totally controllable and Ivanka probably hooked him up with someone, so now he is her slave.

There aren’t enough shaders in all the graphics cards in all the world that could render the proper amount of shade deserved by Donald Trump, et al.

I only know the Spanish I’ve picked up from reading closed caption telenovela screens (Mi Corazón Es Tuyo), but this was really easy to puzzle out, although not to read verbatim. Spanish is fun.

Oh, noes, all Taylor’s chickens are coming home to roost. Katy Perry. Harry Styles. That girl she dissed in 8th grade.

Trump farted on them?

After the rabbit comes 0ut of the oven.

Dogs don’t know it’s not bacon.