swiftausterity
SwiftAusterity
swiftausterity

Our DQ does not in fact have tacos.

I thought celebrities procreated via spores. Don't they grow faster that way?

There is nothing wrong with causing an animal's bones to be nearly soft enough to drink through a straw. There's like loads of spiders that do that all the time.

Loose, unwrapped candy is the healthiest as it will just be taken away before you can eat it.

As always, people feel youth is wasted on the young. Those people are haters.

Damn, I was pretty much left to put myself to bed starting way younger than most of those ages but it was Florida which has no laws about it.

It makes logical sense in the context of the other, earlier, train wreck of a t-shirt slogan if they were attempting to create a slightly different slogan train wreck of their own.

I love Hynes. I miss the Lightspeed Champion days, though.

Those (Huckabee and co) guys totally called it. Letting the gays be elected to office was the slippery slope to awful things like having to recognize their basic human rights guaranteed by the constitution.

One of the talk show hosts, I think Letterman, quipped last night that the first sign of having ebola is showing no symptoms of having ebola.

Bitches gotta bitch about bitching over bitches who bitch mostly about bitching.

If only we had an "autoawesome" thing from Google to edit black people into all of our uploaded photos automatically maybe we could end racism in this country forever.

Man, before we used to call this "Colloquium" or "Liberal Studies". Isn't the new name a bit obvious?

Anything is better than basing an ad campaign on trying to convince people their food does in fact rot and is not some sort of supernatural material that does not adhere to natural laws.

My coworkers genuinely believe Dynamite Hack wrote Boyz in the Hood.

Excitebike didn't have sweet jumps. I remember mostly pure torture and deception and millions of those dang speed bumps. Maybe I played too many custom tracks from friends.

Best legal notice ever: If you birthed a male child with a birth date between 1/1/0001 and 10/28/2014 you may be eligible to receive compensation.

Can I sue a school board for promoting abstinence based education on the grounds of endangering my male child's health?

Kinda hopeful for this one given Dunkin is the only chain with decent crullers. Krispy's crullers are a mouthful of failure.

The crystal pepsi demoed in miami for about a month did not ever taste like 7-up. There was a second crystal pepsi reformulation that did taste like 7up because it was pretty much the combination of citrus and pepsi.