Also, we learned this offseason that Marshawn Lynch ropes off his Lambo (but not the actual doors to the car, which perplexes me):

FUCKIN-A, JESUS CHRIST!

Basic money management was taught at my elementary school. We learned how to write checks, balance a check book, how interest work on credit cards, basic budgeting, etc.

You want to be Arya Stark, not Sansa Stark, young women are told, even though in truth, both girls know what it means to be strong.

An unsupervised 9 year old is criminal? I used to ride bikes all over town with similarly aged friends — for hours!— at like 5 and 6.

You're right, we don't have grey days ... have solid months of grey. May Grey and June Gloom.

Don't forget May Grey. :(

Saved by the Bell aired on Saturday mornings. ;)

Characters: Umm, you forgot a biggie: Kelly.

Oh look, folks. An internet tough guy. I know I'm impressed. How about ya'll?

Um, and as others have noted, length is not a problem at all.

Do you feel better now that you've gotten over that little self-induced temper tantrum and spewed all that irrelevant bile out into the world? Good. Then let us proceed in a more rational and adult manner, shall we?

Or at least some general road-mapping and headers. Maybe a table of contents.

It would be your responsibility to get more people to drink more Coke ,even though people are slowly beginning to realize that Coke is fucking poison. You'd have to secure lucrative contracts with the Chinese government to supply all its schools and prisons and secret prisons and double secret prisons and schools…

Terrifyingly long?

You'll need to get your landlord's approval before undertaking any major changes, of course, but a little elbow grease and a few bucks from your landlord and everyone wins—you get a nicer place to live, and they get a more valuable property.

Remind me never to fly Malaysian Airlines.

Lol — I thought that was just good boner etiquette. Sort of like how girls hug without pressing their boobs on someone. ... like .... a tent hug for when you've pitched a tent?

Jesus Christ, why did you show that? This is a legitimate fear of mine, and the sole reason I always turn on the light before using the bathroom at night.

Lets be fair to Seth McFarlane: Is there really a more apropos place than the Oscars to make a bulimia joke? I mean, other than the Teen Choice Awards, of course.