Turns out that all the attacker was after was a little scratch.

I LOVE peeing in the shower. Candy corn is sugared vomit.

A Cardinal with that inability to recall specific details is sure to end up in Rome someday.

.@Amareisreal says he's been doing the red wine bath for about 6-8 months. #Knicks

Just wait 'til this kid learns about hooking.

Nick Young shoots ... ain't nuthin' but a rim clang baby.

Sorry, Barry, but it's the NFL. Nothing brings back memories.

My family has been a Vitamix family for well over a decade. Me and my siblings got them as graduation gifts and continue to use them almost daily. I'll refrain from talking about the hardware. Vitamix's resilient history will speak for itself. What I want to mention is that when my sister's family's house was…

My family has been a Vitamix family for well over a decade. Me and my siblings got them as graduation gifts and…

The more details surface regarding Bironas's death, the weirder this story gets.

Phelps's eyes were bloodshoot, "his speech was mush mouth,"

He visited a children's hospital, frequently. He didn't volunteer or anything because fuck those kids, but he sure did love the cafeteria there.

I wanted to hate it, but honestly... it looks great. It's simple, clean, visually appealing. I love the individual club-themed logos. MLS wants to be taken seriously and ditching the blatantly 90's ball and boot logo is a step in the right direction.

Cris Carter was the only one who came off as reasonable: "My single mother used to hit me too, but you know what: even though she was doing the best she could, she was wrong. As we grow and mature, we realize that our parents weren't perfect. Break the cycle of violence."

I'll let someone else make a snarky comment here, I'm just going to say that's a damn shame.

You know the situation is seriously fucked up when it's getting me to like Adam Schefter

Yes, well, that's fine, but he's not just another player. He's different from other players, because he's attempting to become the first openly gay player in the league.

Why exactly is it "unfortunate?" One paragraph later, you said the position was too deep and an undrafted free agent outplayed him. Are you suggesting that they were supposed to keep him anyway?

Tiny dicks on ESPN? What is this, First Take?