Think of the young, blind and new-to-hockey children, Doc.

STICK TO SPORTS.

There are some things Dildo Jesus won't do. For example, parting the Red Sea, that is job for Dildo Moses.

Such a selfish act by JaVale. Makes all the rest of the tooth fairies look bad.

More like resurrectum, amirite?

UPDATE, 5:48 p.m.: Ah shit! Now I feel bad for making jokes about his photo and him having to search for jobs in the newspaper. I'm team Schwab now, fuck ESPN.

Now it's going to be really hard to stump the Schwab when you ask him to name something black and white and red all over.

Seahawk fan, Oregon alum.

"His teammates have enough of this and they walk out."

Remember Chad, you can no longer use props.

Though, nobody in good conscience could really refer to it as a "GoPro" camera.

+1

The farter really did deserve the beatings for constantly chewing their ears off.

This is the same pilot that slightly tilted the plane so that the passengers on the left could "get a view of Clint Malarchuk's neck" while flying over Northern Arizona.

Remember Austin Collie?

The umps could've sped up the process of getting Marty to move by setting a woman next to him and throwing a ball or bat in his general direction.

I never though I'd ever see a pitch with a lot action involving a limbless man again after Jim Abbott retired.

They were upset when they saw the Biebs at the Heat game. COME HOME TO CANADA JUSTIN. #Belieb

If Brodeur makes the cover, a portion of the revenue NHL 14 generates will go to the Autism Speaks' Twitter training program.

He did this all while being clean, no PEDs or Adderall. This is probably because of all the time spent visiting concentration camps.