This makes me love Helena Bonham Carter even more. I thought there was no way that could happen. Thank you, Callie. Thank you, Jezebel. Thank you, People.

I read this as "How to Suck the Graduating Class of 2014". Which I am pretty sure Drew could cover.

You people with your gay agenda to force all God-fearing folks to submit to anal sex and your AIDS ring attacks on the faithful and your big handsome African-American men kissing white men on ESPN sullying both race purity and heterosexuality with one fell swoop of his obviously gigantic penis! HOW DARE YOU! Have you…

NOW you tell me.

When I was in college I was sitting in the lobby of the arts building going thru lines for the Scottish play when a beautiful girl I had never met sat down across from me. I managed to strike up a conversation and we got around to introducing ourselves. When I told her my name, she got very quiet and excused herself.…

I have not read your book so please excuse me if I am asking an obvious question: does your sex drive outside the industry preclude you from participating in a "traditional" monogomous relationship or do you even harbor any desire for such a relationship?

When this list came out I thought, "I wonder how many people on this list she actually fucked and how many she just put on there?"

That's the way to go...y'know if you're not doing a viking funeral.

Give me the Rihanna/Katy Perry video! GIVE IT TO ME NOW!!

Has it been pointed out that that is actually Rasputin? I expect a Hellboy citing. Soon.

I will withhold judgement until I know for sure whether or not she has imappropriately touched Angela Merkel.

I think that one of the network morning shows should have a daily five minute "Johnny Report" where Johnny Weir reports on the state of his relationship...and anything else that crosses his mind.

Come back to NYC, LiLo. We have vodka. And vaporiums. And you have ALL the vagina.

Wait. You're hard? Like...right now? THAT IS SO FUCKING AWESOME! It's me, isn't it? I fawking KNEW it!

Yours doesn't buzz? *looking down* Hunh.

"Norwegian Fisherman Finds Large Dildo in Fish"

You're why we can't have nice things. *sob*

Mooney grad?

Well, that's just SICK!

I had a really bad night at a soup brothel back in '79.