To be fair, market research determined 90% of the crowd would leave after the 2nd quarter to beat the traffic, so they stocked up accordingly.

Freddie Mercury looking remarkably spry almost 25 years after his passing.

Sounds like the Coliseum is basically ancient ruins now.

I believe it’s called “reversion to the mean.”

“Video evidence is a bitch.”

She really could have used a pile of guns to cushion her fall.

Wanted to not use him tonight.

Or maybe, Banned from the Buffet?

Heil Hoagie!

Caption for the photo: Raise your hand if you’ve got diabetus.

“Plus, I won more games without it than did with it in.’’

Are they still doing pink and cammo month on Thursday night games? Because that’s a lot of colors rushing at my eyeballs. Excited to see the NFL’s love of branding cannibalize itself.

Whoa, whoa, are you trying to claim NFL owners aren’t trustworthy? I mean they’re rich so that automatically makes them superior humans.

Taking painkillers is not a super power.

I’m saying Eli is Milton from Office Space. Always there for you. Forever dismissed. Will one day burn it all down in the form of interceptions.

Because he doesn't get a juice box if he does miss a start. Incentives work.

So you’re not anguished, but two-paragraphs irritated instead. I shall make a note of it in the ledger.

So what you’re saying is Eli is the hero we deserve, not the one we want?

[breaks into cold sweat]