“Attention everybody! This is our totally super secret spy satellite. We tried to launch it before, but it didn’t work. We ask that you 1) don’t try anything nefarious that is beyond the capabilities of our current spy satellite network to detect and 2) that you forget about this new super secret spy satellite that we…

You are a fucking psycho.

Oh come now, these things happen. Many times at my job have I worked a very long time on something, only to have it crash for some inexplicable reason and lose all of my work. It’s called working on Microsoft Excel.

Does it really matter? Credible or not I think it helps to publicize this sort of stuff — both to expose this ugliness and to push sites like Twitter to improve their harassment policies.

Say what you want about the tenets of national socialism, but at least they didn’t swim in raw sewer

No Olympians or spectators went to the gas chambers during the Olympics, as far as I know. The Nazis even suspended enforcement of the anti-homosexuality laws (for foreign visitors) for the duration of the games. The Sachsenhausen Concentration Camp outside Berlin wasn’t activated until the Autumn of 1936, several…

Nazis may be evil, but they certainly are famous for being organized

Drink deeply of life. Breath in excitement. Rub pizza all over your body. Breath it in and live.
Bartolo Cologne
A men’s fragrance by Cici’s all you can eat pizza buffet.

Bartolo Colon, who turns 43 years old today,

Back in my day bears didn’t take shit like that from no water.

A bear among bears.

Bear’s got motor. Real gritty bear.

Epic: in which we meet the hero, see the hero face his/her greatest obstacle, see the hero fail (believing him/her to have died), and then see the hero rise, triumphant. Cue inspirational music, role credits.

To all the haters who thought Bartolo Colon couldn’t swim or navigate a rapid here is your proof.

That's a damn good bear, a bear's bear.

And, in a pinch, they could be used by washed-out catchers to tail old girlfriends back to their apartment.

Haha. Hahaha. It’s never over in New England. We hold grudges like you wouldn’t believe!

It’s alright Pablo. You’ll be fine. Keep your chins up.

Damn, I was gonna go Best Fans in Bergen-Belsen.