"Hey, let's give Philly fans a free, throwable object when they attend a playoff game," said nobody who has any sense, ever.

FALSE WRISTBAND!!1!! WAKE UP SHEEPLE.

I don't want to be that guy, but the Bruins are perfectly capable of eliminating themselves from the playoffs.

Ah there it is. The wristband truther. That is fucking amazing.

JJ Watt built an Ark and ventured out to pick up all of his teammates.

JJ Watt: More Swole Than The River.

He cultivates a public image of being a no nonsense, hard work, “do things the right way” kind of guy ... which seems to be true ... to the point of being kind of a jerk to other players sometimes ... but also keeps putting himself out there in a way that seems like he’s looking for attention and approval for being…

Man takes action to directly draw attention to himself.
Man complains about all the attention he’s getting.
Man is insufferable.

You sound mad. Are you mad? Perhaps you could have one of these thrilling flags for your state:

Mississippi - last in education, last in per capita income, last to learn the Confederacy lost.

I guarantee you would get sick of me posting about getting kids to finally figure out how to properly solve quadratic equations if I did it literally every fucking day and did corny-as-fuck shit like taking pictures of my classroom door with captions like “CLOCKIN’ IN” or “THE ONLY FLOOD IS THE MATHEMATICAL ADRENALINE…

Watt is the human embodiment of Marine Todd.

Not to be outdone, Rob Gronkowski tweeted a picture of himself partying on a riverboat cruise through the flooded area.

Doesn't he also seem like the blandest guy on the planet? What does he bring to the table? I'm not saying the answer is Bobby Valentine unreasonably throwing his third baseman under the bus and eventually causing said beloved third baseman to be traded, but the guy is like an anthropomorphic stock photo of a generic…

STOP FAT SHAMING! Didn’t you get the memo?

You get paid millions of dollars, have access to some of the best training and workout facilities in the world, and have doctors, trainers, and assistants around to help you, and literally all you have to do is stay in shape, and you balloon up like your offseason training regimen was held at Golden Corral. What the…

Pedantic is a shape.

Panda: Eats, Leaves

Because America was training with Poland... Such aggression, very aggressor. Very Gosh.

It won’t be the same.