This weather is a loser. We’re just gonna go get some smart people in here and let them do what they do.

Says the degenerate that clicked on the article.

Unless you’re a buxom blond or a stripper wearing a viagra bikini, I wouldn’t worry about Jerry coming at all.

Nearly Killed Him!

I know, they barely talk about the benefits of butt plugs or prostate massagers!

The butt play:

It’s pretty hard to take this well-intentioned advice seriously when the scientific diagram indicates that I have a “prostrate.”

You realize Andy Reid and Rex Ryan are still coaches, right?

Your team just lost to the fucking Ravens. Sure you want to make a brag like that right now?

A Fistivus, for the wrist of us....

Sorry, but according to Urban Dictionary, a “Royal We” involves a Corgi and a quart of urine.

And since no insect was listed with the gasoline, it must have been effective!

If you're working on a car from beneath it, gravity sends all sorts of things to horrible places.

“PATIENT CLAIMS SOMEONE HID A PIECE OF CRAYON IN HIS EAR TODAY IN SCHOOL”

Should have listened the first 20 times his roommate told him to replace the toilet paper.

Well these people used to die horrible deaths and not procreate. Now we save them and they have 8 kids.

Then why does the penis have a hole....why does it have a hole.

marshmallows are especially dangerous (they can either melt and drip into your throat, resulting in a horrible death or you can aspirate them and then die a horrible death).

“WAS AT A ‘FISTING PARTY’ AND HAS A SPIKEY RUBBER BALL THAT LIGHTS UP STUCK IN RECTUM.”