Maybe your dinner conversation is just really boring? I rarely even think about my phone when dining with interesting people.

Umm, by asking them politely to please leave their phone away from the table during the meal? Kinda question asked question answered there.

I’m totally that person—I hate mornings, and checking my email/reading things on my phone lets me wake up enough to not be a total bitch to the humans in my house.

I find doulas annoying as shit because of the whole my precious special natural ancient wisdom boutique birth thing and you know you have mommy-with-money privilege, right? and GET A REAL FUCKING NAME FOR YOUR JOB LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE but

eww, babies. The ultimate boner killers.

#NotMyRio

“I fingered that blonde lady backstage.”

When is the “New York is the best city on Earth” narrative going to die? There’s no way it’s true anymore.

who TF goes around kissing eyes

First: I can’t watch the video on my work computer, so I apologize for that.

But like, could it have been a joke?

I’m extremely judgey today. excuse me. But every last damn one of them (except for the gay one) looks like a dude-bro. *ew*

Considering I willingly put various types of poison into my body on a regular basis and pay for the privilege, I cannot in good conscious pretend to give a flying fuck about organic food and whether or not my peaches are filled with pesticides.

Yeah! Fuck disabled people, right? People who can’t do their own nails but still want to look pretty? Those fucking elitist bitches.

Hot take: Honestly, what the fuck.

Yeah, stop hiring plumbers too! No one should have to unclog your gross toilet!

Or it’s a nice, pleasant way to spend Mother’s Day.

Am I the only one who hates when people ask "am I the only one" knowing full well that there are 7 billion people in the world and that no matter the context they are never the only one to do anything?

Nobody is insulting anyone with dietary issues. Simmer down, son.

Wow, an online article about artificial sweeteners that isn’t filled with fear and ignorance regarding pretty much every scientific study out there? Thank you! One of the main reasons I’m not currently overweight is switching to artificial sweeteners to satiate my sweet tooth instead of sugar. As a result, I’ve been…