I ate oysters for the first time at 34, in Australia, and they were some kind of super fancy just out of the ocean the best oysters ever, and I tried three. Due diligence. Fucking never again.

For us bigger hourglass shape girls, though, the F, C-P, V-R PG thing (so very well said) has been a godsend. Because I’ll wear some twee shit if it’s curvy- I grew up with Betsey Johnson.

I use to describe giving myself a “brieze” by rubbing brie on my gums like coke.

I dream of being worthy of Margaret Atwood’s dismissal.

Bonus vomit-by-proxy story: one time in the 80s I was sitting on my bed with this baby dyke I knew from art school. We were both crosslegged, sitting knee-to-knee. I was wearing a long skirt, as I always do. We were on acid. Suddenly, she vomited into my lap. Copiously. Like, a punchbowl full of liquid wine-cooler…

In the ‘80s I was a heroin addict art student at Parsons. Some days I tried to cut back on the actual heroin and do some pills instead. During registration for the winter semester, I was in a long line in a hallway outside the registration room, where there were rows of tables with people helping you sign up for…

I asked my maid of honor to wear a white dress for my third wedding, because she had a really beautiful white Victorian bustle dress she'd made of silk and written love poetry all over in delicate cursive. Third wedding, it's like that scene in the movie Parenthood where Steve Martin is talking about how you worry…

"Tipping is a form of decency in American society, Sarah." hells to the yeah. We tip all service workers in the US a minimum of 20%, because massage therapists for example may be paying a chair fee cut or self-employment tax or both. If we can't afford the tip, we can't afford the service (we never, ever eat in fancy…

I sing "All the little kitties" to the air, or the cats. I do this in front of my husband, because his cat-talk is so much weirder and more mortifying than mine IDGAF.

Freebase cocaine was a factor too, back in the day.

Sometimes I read articles like this, about people I've never heard of from a show I've never watched, because it's interesting to see how much of the pop sphere one can be oblivious to even while spending a fucking metric ton of hours per day on the internet reading pop culture articles like I do. And because the one…

I'm fine with the corset; I own forty-five corsets. What troubles me is her eyebrows. Jolen would lighten those right up.

Once I was at a steampunk con with my friend Monique Motil and her old work wife Autumn Adamne. Monique and Autumn founded Dark Garden Corsetry's original store back in the day, and we were in a hotel coffee shop. Autumn was eating a sandwich and french fries and Monique was eating fries off her plate. Monique said,…

I cannot take credit for this wonderful phrase; I learned it from one of my young lovers. A different one taught me the phrase "Cum gutter". This is why cougaring is so enriching!

It's a Panty Epoxy gallery.

That "Circle the block and call the bar" move is tight.

In the 80s, I arrived at a party, walked up to a beautiful boy and said, "You're coming home with me." He took my hand, we went downstairs and got in a cab. Awkwardly, because I had been drinking heavily, I came out of my blackout while we were fucking and asked him who he was- not once, but both times.

I have personally known quite a few people who had a dress "made by a friend"- or not made, as has been inevitably the case. One person was to blame for two of the instances.

You are amazing! Off to investigate/purchase :) Btw, I found the NYX Macaron Earl Grey, the only grey I have so far, to be too light for me as a pink-toned paley.

Grey lipstick list PLEEEEEASSSEEE!!