I feel so bad for this man; it's a terrible thing, to take advantage of someone who is that lonely.

I'm guessing he'll be on Ellen before Easter.

You forgot one

These "child shoots mother/brother/sister/neighbor" stories are heartbreaking. Because this child's mother was so irresponsible, this little boy will have to live his entire life with the burden of having killed her. Hopefully he's too young to remember.

Pictured: Yet another Cam Newton turn over.

My god, it is just like Love Actually.

That's an innovative way to get a yeast infection.

Also, I'd punch a bitch on the metro to get him to jump me. Okay, I'm done for the day.

If I were going for ancient classical plays, I'd pick Iphigenia at Aulis. Because that involves sacrificing a daughter.

Pretty sure that cat just hangs around dying people in order to steal their soul.

The first two words of the headline work just fine on their own. Every day. For almost every story.

I once saw a very drunk, very confused young man trying to stick a beer bottle up his ass whilst crying. I was at a party and went to an upstairs restroom, only to see that monstrosity. When he saw me, he didn't stop, but just stared deeply and sadly into my eyes. I then gently closed the door and left that house…

Can we talk about Samantha for a minute? I just checked out her collection, because I haven't since she was brought back from retirement or whatever they were calling it. WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO HER DRESSES? She had the best clothes. Now she wears, well. She wears this:

Prim's gonna have... A blast!

So I told what I thought was the one story I had that was spooky story worthy. But then this happened over Christmas:

My fiancé called to tell that he got married, as I sat on the bed, looking at my wedding gown.

Going up, my parents were were divorced and never communicated directly. I got bounced back and forth between them a lot. Always based on what my mom needed. Fuck my social life or grades or stability. If being a parent started to get too hard, she'd ship me off to live with my grandmother or father. She'd get lonely,…